Lucky Bird Shit Dude

By Wookiee

Genre: Shart Interceptor

LBSD marks Wookiee’s third entry into the competition and this time he’s had help, from a certain Mrs Wookiee.  I don’t know which of the two were responsible for the C: Nonsense in BASIC error that results after loading (before even starting the game) but it gets bonus points.  I am however, deeply concerned that daveysludge’s toilet humour syndrome is contagious.

EDIT >> Oops apologies, Lucky Bird Shit Dude is a 128k only game, use the Tape Loader option on a 128K model and you’ll be fine.

LBSD follows the classic formula of so many catch the cash games, but with a ploppy twist, and the cultural inclusion that having a bird crap on you is in fact good luck*.  Use ‘O’ and ‘P’ to move laterally and catch the poop from the bird, which leaps 3 character squares sideways on every release (some kind of googly?) for some reason.  Every successful ‘catch’ increases your luck by one, and every one that reaches the lawn does the opposite.  The aim of the game is, I presume, to last until the end of the time limit and accrue as many poo-butts as possible.  With hacking it looks like the best possible is 14 in the allotted time.

*E.g. China and the more sophisticated parts of France.

I can’t find any trace in the code or game of the ‘used johnny’ hazard as promised by the intro screen (but then I am demob happy and have been at the xmas sherry), so I’m going to put this down as a lazy, incomplete, rush job that is exactly what this competition is looking for!

 

Like Wookiee’s other releases you have to be impressed with it, as it’s totally in BASIC and uses a mix of classic UDGs and ASCII.  Qualities that render this perfect Cassette 50 material.

Thankyou Wookiees!

Download here.

Advanced Mongy Lard Simulator

By Wookiee

Genre: Penile contortion

Hot on the heels of his last entry, Wookiee has clearly been slaving away honing his crap gaming skills.  Advanced Mongy Lard Simulator is a ‘sort of snake game’ in more than one sense of the word.

For those not in the know, a ‘Mongy Lard’ is (as far as I can tell) a lady of large proportions and questionable moral fibre.  A synonym might be ‘Munter’.  The term has fallen into common usage since a member (there I go again) of the World of Spectrum forums frequently used to post pictures of said ladies.  Using the ROM graphics set for the intro screen, Wookiee has given us what may be Sinclair’s answer to the Mona Lisa.

In AMLS you must negiotate your old chap around the ‘maze’ of deadly durex wrappers and try to impregnate as many mongy lards as possible.  As with any snake game if you go back on yourself the game is over.  I don’t know what’s in the water where Wookiee lives, but if he can bend his dick around this many angles he should go on stage with it!

 Like any snake game this one is quite fun, with the added bonus of the mongy lards, as depicted by a high resolution UDG (or amorphous selection of pixels if you prefer).  I’m a big fan of UDGs, and with clever usage of those 64 pixels and the Spectrum’s palette, you can capture an object’s quintessence.  Thankfully Wookiee has done none of these things, having hastily cobbled together some crudely drawn and poorly coloured blocks – good work!

Thankyou Wookiee!

Tipshack:  Stick to the outside of the screen and make dash and grab raids when a ML appears.  It’s easy to trap yourself – think with your head, not your balls.

Download here.

S.N.A.I.L

By Wookiee
Genre: Arcade Horror

 Behold.  The CGC has arrived.  This amazing competition is not only about making crap games, but also about breaking boundaries.  Space Nuclear Assault Infiltration Legionnaire just may be the slowest Spectrum BASIC game to have ever existed.  What’s even better is that I don’t think it was intended to be so, as you can sense this game has some heart – (and no delay loops to falsely slow the code).

Be sure to load this game in 128k mode (Tape loader option), as in 48k mode, or on a 48k Spectrum you will become very familiar with the ‘C Nonsense in BASIC’ statement.  The reason for this is the regular use of the 128k only ‘PLAY’ command, and I have to say it’s worth it.  The multi channel AY chip of the higher memory Spectrum is designed for catchy music and advanced effects, yet somehow Wookie has managed to combine this with the spectrum beeper to make a cacophony of grating beeps (bonus points for ripping off Frere Gustav from the Spectrum BASIC manual – and repeating the chorus enough to genuinely annoy).  Though I do have to yield that the crash noise isn’t at all bad.

So assuming you make it past the initial hurdles, on to the game.

 

To play S.N.A.I.L is amazing, the instructions suggests fast paced arcade fun, promising bombers, fighters, interceptors and flak bursting all around, yet somehow it plays like a turn based adventure!  Though I’m trying to see the best in it, and as long as you think of it as a turn based game it’s not actually that bad!  While there’s not much that can be done about the randomly appearing flak bursts, you can spot enemy behaviour and act accordingly.  And you certainly have time to do so, I literally had time to pour a cup of tea, remove the bag and add the milk before leisurely returning to my seat to face the onslaught of the Badong empire!  The biggest pain is when you do lose a life, you have to go right back to the bottom of the screen and trundle back up it again.

 

To lose a life in S.N.A.I.L must be akin to being a fly unexpectedly caught by a sluggish looming newspaper roll.

If you crank up the emulator the game is easy, but it’s interesting that at ‘normal’ speed it is very hard, in fact at the time of writing I have yet to complete it.

In summary, an appalling arcade game but not quite so bad strategy game.  It's got nice UDGs and heart.....still crap though.

Thankyou Wookiee!

Download here.