Sunday, 22 September 2013

Advanced Mongy Lard Simulator

By Wookiee

Genre: Penile contortion

Hot on the heels of his last entry, Wookiee has clearly been slaving away honing his crap gaming skills.  Advanced Mongy Lard Simulator is a ‘sort of snake game’ in more than one sense of the word.

For those not in the know, a ‘Mongy Lard’ is (as far as I can tell) a lady of large proportions and questionable moral fibre.  A synonym might be ‘Munter’.  The term has fallen into common usage since a member (there I go again) of the World of Spectrum forums frequently used to post pictures of said ladies.  Using the ROM graphics set for the intro screen, Wookiee has given us what may be Sinclair’s answer to the Mona Lisa.

In AMLS you must negiotate your old chap around the ‘maze’ of deadly durex wrappers and try to impregnate as many mongy lards as possible.  As with any snake game if you go back on yourself the game is over.  I don’t know what’s in the water where Wookiee lives, but if he can bend his dick around this many angles he should go on stage with it!

 Like any snake game this one is quite fun, with the added bonus of the mongy lards, as depicted by a high resolution UDG (or amorphous selection of pixels if you prefer).  I’m a big fan of UDGs, and with clever usage of those 64 pixels and the Spectrum’s palette, you can capture an object’s quintessence.  Thankfully Wookiee has done none of these things, having hastily cobbled together some crudely drawn and poorly coloured blocks – good work!

Thankyou Wookiee!

Tipshack:  Stick to the outside of the screen and make dash and grab raids when a ML appears.  It’s easy to trap yourself – think with your head, not your balls.

Download here.


  1. This game I surprising addictive, more games please.

  2. I'll try and churn out another before the close I think