Teach yerself Australian

Genre: Utility: Antipodator

By Lee Spoons

You might be forgiven for thinking it would be safe to speak the Queen’s English if planning a jaunt to Australia.  This is not the case unfortunately, as there are a number of things you need to take into account when speaking the uncivilised, backward dialect that the uncouth yobs are pleased to call ‘Australian’.

TYA, like all of Lee’s entries, features a non standard loader.  It’s not quite as good as the Henry’s cat one but I like it – it does the whole thing in reverse:  attributes first followed by an upside down pic of Ayres rock (all loaded bottom to top), partially obscured of course by the loading message.

 

Like all the translators in the competition it features an advanced algorithm that translates any phrase you care to type in.  In this case it is takes advantage of Hugh Shaw’s Inverter and turns your text upside down and back to front.  If you leave the program it leaves the whole BASIC listing inverted (poke 23606,0 23607,60 sorts it natch).

So what do we think of TYA?

So if planning a trip to Oz do you want to go to bed with a ‘hottie’ or a ‘dog’ and wake up to a ‘dingo’s breakfast’ or a ‘dog’s eye’?  Well, If you think Lee’s utility is going to help then you’ve got kangeroos loose in the top paddock!  Thankyou Lee!

Download WAV here .
Download TZX here.

(And you could try the alternative translating engine Teach yourself AQI)

Ultimate Language Translator

(version 12.360)

By Yoshiatom

Genre: Holistic Utility

Hokayyyy, here we have an absolute clanger of a CGC submission!  A lot of work has gone into the Ultimate Language Translator, as illustrated by the fact that this is version 12!  I can picture Yoshiatom now, slaving away at his computer perfecting his algorithms, checking his spelling and shaving the flab from U.L.T until it was near perfect!

Note I say ‘near perfect’ though, as despite best efforts a couple of typos have slipped though and the text is an unreadable white on yellow (adjusted for the picture here).

Don’t let these small facts detract from this universal interpreter though: you will get an equally impressive result for any sentence you care to type in.

An absolute pile of CARP! and an auspicious start, we look forward to you next entry Yoshiatom.

Tipshack: Try not to think about what version 1 was like.

HACK SACK: Insert 5 NEW at the beginning of the program.

Download here

Norn Iron

By Steve McCrea

Genre: Text: Oirish

For people not familiar with the title, Norn Iron sounds like Northern Ireland in the local accent.  A nicely constructed utility here on a topic close to Steve’s heart I presume, which makes the point that those involved are pretty much all speaking the same language.

Download here.

Teachski Yourselfska Russianova

By na_th_an

Genre: Text:

Do you like Beetroot?  Do you like Vodka?  Do you like your ZX-Spectrum pimped to the max?  Well then you should visit Russia, but hold your horses.  You won’t want to look like an ignorant lout – you should learn the language first!

 

That’s where this powerful utility comes in, it translates not only words, but sentences too (and yet the word ‘advanced’ is nowhere to be seen).  It even has the delete function enabled.  It’s nice to see these utilities submitted, and how an entire language translator can be made to fit into a 48k speccy is beyond me.  Well done na_th_an!

Carpski.

Downloadski Herska Comrades.

 Tipshackova: Don't actually talk like this on the streets of Moscow, unless you want to be punched hard in the face.

HACKPACK: I noticed a terrible bug in this program- the 'R's are not the wrong way round.  Download the bugfixed version here.

 

Teacho Yourselfo Italiano

By Lee Spoons

Genre: Utility: Word Appender-o

Ah Italy!  The rolling hills of Borlotti, the valleys of Rome lined with pasta trees, wine coming out of the taps and everyone strolling around in white vests and greased back hair.

Now then, for some reason it is a common accusation that the English speaking nations are ignorant of the both the language and culture of other countries.  This is why it’s especially nice to receive this lovely utility from Lee Spoons – it blasts this myth into the cosmos faster than a gondola full of meatballs can sink.

God knows why but TYI has speedlock protection!  And although the code is really short it loads the entire RAM with sodding NOPs in addition to it.  This means that you get a hypnotic humming sound for most of the 2 minutes and 35 seconds of loading.  Annoying and crap?  Yes.  Bonus points!

Lee has spotted some common rules of the Italian tong and has devised a clever little algorithm that can convert any English word into Italian.  Astounding.

I didn’t realise that it was so easy to speak Italian, and if I travel to Italy in future I will do so secure in the knowledge that, thanks to T.Y.I, I will be able to fit in with the locals.  Thankyou Lee!

The verdict?  Merda!

Tipshack: convert to the Sprechen Sie Deutsch simulator:  20 LET i$=EN

Download here.